1. Breakfast with a view!
2. Great tans! *But only those that work with certain clothes
3. There’s no “chimney” for santa to crawl down, so mum and dad just tell you that he’s coming in the laundry door and that’s how he leaves presents every year.
Some fat white and red dude breaking into your house via the (apparently un-secure) back door to eat your food, use your plates and casually leaves flecks of face and nose sweat everywhere? ACE!
4. You get to play this game where you buy a pair of expensive sunnies every year because the ocean keeps swallowing them up and claiming like their own, like some sort of sunglasses kraken.
5. Riding in a rusty Holden ute. Unlike the fanfare of the carol, this presents a slight tetanus risk.
6. 2 freezers! The house one and the garage one. You know, to keep everything cool (ish).
So all the Chrissy day seafood and Pav can fit.
7. Indoor pools! At least you can reach the stubbies and snacks easily.
Because outside is just no.
8. We like getting all festive like our trees and mimicking our outdoor lights.
9. Seat belts make for pretty good branding irons. So do steering wheels.
10. Burning your mouth on Christmas ham. That just makes you appreciate how less hot you were 2 minutes earlier.
11. Getting to resemble a really shiny object with your glistening face when the aircon decides to kick the bucket.
12. Christmas cracker hats and their coloured crepe papery goodness. These just add another layer on the forehead for the sweat to start building.
Leave to marinate for 2 minutes and voila, your own festive forehead!
13. Gawking at who won the Christmas lights house decorating and getting out of the house that now resembles a kiln.
14. Peeling prawns and feeling the juices sear into your skin as a stark reminder of Christmases past. Yeah nah.
15. Becoming the turkey in your own house-shaped oven.
16. Reminding little ones and elderly Nan to drink water every 5 seconds like some sort of hydration lord. Because, you know, looking after the at-risk-of-heat-exhaustion is just doing your bit for the community.
17. Wearing thongs on Christmas day because all your other shoes don’t fit due to swelling.
But what makes it all better (and reduces back sweat) is we know we can kick back with a cold one at the end of the day.
But really tho, ‘straya’s ok.